20 CHILD CUSTODY POINTERS

20 CHILD CUSTODY POINTERS:

The following pointers were developed as a guide to maintaining or obtaining child custody through the Courts:

1. Spending as much time as possible with your children. While going through a divorce or separation can be a very trying time, your children also need you during this time. The Court looks very closely at time you spend with the children.

2. If you want to leave the relationship, keep the children with you whenever possible. It is much easier to get custody if you keep custody than if you leave the children behind. If you feel you must leave the family home, take the children with you or contact an attorney prior to leaving the marital home.

3. If you are in a situation where you need day care services, make sure you check the day care provider's references and determine if the day care provider is supportive of you in your custody action.

4. Keep a notebook or journal and write down who provides primary care to your children including:

a. Who bathes the children?

b. Who puts the children to bed?

c. Who takes the children to school?

d. Who do the children call to in the middle of the night?

e. Who buys the groceries?

f. Who takes the children to the doctor?

g. Who prepares the meals?

h. Who attends the children's activities and parent/teacher conferences?

i. Who takes the children to church?

These issues are very important.

5. If you are involved in a sexual relationship outside of your marriage, be discreet. Think about what is most important to you--the extramarital relationship or your children. Courts do consider the moral fitness of parents. If you have an ongoing relationship after leaving a marriage, you need to think very carefully about the person you are involved with. When that person becomes involved with your family, his or her background and fitness can also be an issue.

6. Try to maintain a stable environment for the children. Often your best witnesses can be teachers, friends, neighbors, counselors, and so forth. Stability is one thing the Court considers when awarding custody.

7. Write down the other parent's visits with the children. Note when and under what circumstances the visits occurred. Also document lack of contact: for example, if the other parent forgot a child's birthday. Write down visits between your extended family and the children. Relatives can often be a support, if they are close to the children. Volunteer to take the children when the other parent has plans.

8. Watch your own behavior as you know others will. If you are involved in a custody dispute, assume the other parent is watching your actions or taping your statements. Don't drive while under the influence of alcohol. Don't become involved in activities that are illegal. Don't be seen regularly at bars, or host frequent or wild parties at your home. Your ability to care for the children is reflected by your own behavior. Don't be surprised if the other parent hires a private investigator. Make sure your children are properly attended when you are away from them.

9. Talk to people you feel would be good witnesses to assist you in your custody case. Get their names, telephone numbers, places of employment and addresses. Witness preparation and availability can be very important in a custody dispute.

10. If you or your family needs counseling, it is probably a good idea. Some legal advocates feel that counseling or obtaining necessary services will be held against you. However, it may be better to work on a problem before it comes to the Court's attention. If the other parent will accuse you of having a drinking problem, get a confidential evaluation. If there is a problem, obtain counseling.

11. Many times in custody disputes one parent says the other is an unfit parent. Parenting classes can be very valuable. They are often available at little or no cost through County Social Services, or other human service agencies in your area.

12. Be honest with your attorney. Half-truths will weaken the relationship with your attorney and impair the attorney's ability to represent you.

13. Know the proper forms of child discipline and when and where to use them. While spanking may be a recognized form of discipline, it is not a preferable one. If done improperly or out of anger, it can be held against you. Rule-setting, timeouts, and verbal discipline (not name-calling) can be more effective and acceptable.

14. Become involved in activities with your children. Make sure you attend all parent-teacher conferences. If you are involved in church, also involve your children. If your children participate in social activities, volunteer or participate with them where appropriate. Know your children's friends. Perhaps set aside at least one day a week or a couple hours a night for family activities.

15. Get certified copies of any criminal convictions and driving records of the other parent. Run a check and you may be surprised.

16. If you have questions for your attorney, write them down. Your attorney will be better able to assist you if you are prepared. Keep your attorney advised of any changes affecting you or the children. If you make plans for a major move or decisions, contact your attorney first.

17. If you want permanent custody, don't voluntarily relinquish temporary custody of your children to the other parent. This may give them a real advantage if they request permanent custody as well.

18. Generally the Court will consider the wishes of the children when they are age 12 and above. The Court is not bound, however, by a child's preference if it finds it is not in the best interest of the child.

19. If the other parent is abusive to you or the children, get help. Write down abuse incidents and seek protection. Obtain medical attention if needed. Don't deny the abuse because you may need that evidence. There are excellent counseling, support, and shelter services available through abused person centers in many communities.

20. Stand your ground. Don't bad mouth the other parent even though she/he may be doing it. Take photos of happy times for you and your children. Consider your children and their needs.

NOTE: If you are a stepparent and you feel that your marriage is breaking down, don't go through with stepchild adoption, unless you want continuing obligations for the children.

No Legal Advice Offered On This Website

This web site is not intended to provide, and you should not rely on any materials on this website, as a source of legal advice. Legal advice may be offered only by an attorney. The webmaster of this web site is not an attorney. Postings to this web site have been prepared for informational purposes only. Transmission or receipt of information contained in this web site does not create an attorney-client relationship. An attorney-client relationship does not exist simply because a party sends email to Alisha Ankers or her staff. Email is not to be used for legal advice. Please use the contact telephone numbers below to make an appointment regarding legal issues.

Alisha Ankers, Attorney at Law